


Fix You

by fanciful_musing



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Airports, Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Dialogue-Only, Head Injury, Love at First Sight, M/M, experimental formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanciful_musing/pseuds/fanciful_musing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you fix something that's not broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted August 2010.

“Hey there, are you also stuck here?”

“Something like that.”

“Where are you headed?”

“Japan.”

“Me too! Maybe we’re on the same flight.”

“Probably. Not that it matters now, since we’re all going to be stuck here the rest of the night.”

“I know, right. Good thing I found good company.”

“…I’m not here for your entertainment.”

“I know.                     So what are you going to Japan for?”

“It’s not so much I decided on Japan. I just didn’t want to be here.”

“Oh…I’m sor—”

“Don’t apologize. If I didn’t want you to know I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“Then do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Uh…well…”

“I’m just tired of here. I don’t belong here. I’m tired of trying to belong here.”

“Eh?”

“Ever feel like the skin you have on isn’t the skin everyone else sees?

“And try as you may to make them see, everyone refuses?

“Ever feel like being who you are now, you’re inadequate to who you were.”

“What—I don’t understand.

“Who you are now stems from who you were. People grow and change, but who you are doesn’t change.”

“Maybe that’s the most troubling part. It would be so much easier to be someone else.”

“But why would you want to be someone else? That’s like wasting the person that you are!”

“Not everyone sees it that way.”

 

“I was in an accident which resulting in massive brain hemorrhaging. When I woke up I was half paralyzed without a way of communicating to other people.

“At first no one noticed anything was wrong, they were too busy celebrating the fact that I was awake to know that I didn’t recognize a single one of them. Granted I wasn’t lucid half the time they visited me, there was nothing there in my head.

“My world was blank. I knew I was in some sort of accident, that much was clear, and apparently I’ve been sleeping awhile. I knew these people that kept visiting me were people I loved.

“But I didn’t know who they were. And they were only people I loved. Past tense for a past I don’t remember. Sad isn’t it?”

“But surely you must have still known them on some level, right? If you were willing to let them help you and visit you?”

“You know what’s worse than a blank mind? Having nothing to distract from the blankness that’s there.

“It’s better going at it with people who love you than pushing everyone else away.

“So for the months following my return to life, I learned everything again. I had lost the ability to move my right half, so I had to relearn how to walk and use my right hand. I had to relearn how to talk. It was difficult, but that wasn’t the hardest part.

“The hardest part was always disappointing those around me. Those people who love me and I had loved, but had no memories of.”

“But you’ve accomplished so much!”

“Physically, yes. Mentally, I was still drawing a big blank.

“They brought in pictures, told me stories, reenacted parts of my life, but nothing.

“They never did give up though.”

“Did you want them to?”

“Yes.

“No.”

 

“I just wanted them to stop crying when I couldn’t remember.

“I wanted them to tell me the whole story instead of hoping I’d remember by myself.

“I wanted to stop looking in their eyes and seeing only a loss of who I was instead of a reflection of who I am.”

 

“I just wanted to be me.

“Not what they saw me to be.

“Not what they wanted me to be.”

 

“And you were right.

“I was wasting who I am trying to figure out who I was.”

“So who are you now?”

“I am someone who lost the past.

“I am someone who is lucky enough to forget all the bad things that happened to me.

“I am someone who is unfortunate enough to not recall all the good things that happened to me.

“I am someone living in the present and for the future.

“I am grateful for my friends and family for supporting me.

“I am tired of living a life I cannot remember.

“I am searching for my own direction.”

“You are every person.”

“To an extent.

“That sounded very pompous didn’t it?”

“No.

“Very honest.

“And poetic.”

“So enough about me, what are you heading for Japan for?”

“It’s not so much I decided on Japan. I’m just following what’s important to me.”

“And what would that be?”

 

“Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?”

“I wouldn’t remember.”

“          I have.

“The first time I didn’t have a name for it. It snuck up on me and I didn’t understand what it was.

“I was twelve when I first met him. There was a party in the neighborhood welcoming a new family. The boy was putting chili powder on the cake, passing it off as sprinkles. I thought it was the most awesomest prank at that age.

“When everyone started hunting for the culprit, he just smiled innocently and said he thought it was colored powdered sugar. And just like that he was forgiven. He was my hero.”

“Sounds like a troublesome first love.”

“I know right? It was the greatest.

“Unfortunately, his dad got transferred and he moved away a year later.

“The second time it happened, it was a rainy afternoon.

“He caught my attention because he was holding a coat over a box and getting soaked instead of wearing it. He was also talking to the box instead of paying attention to the people walking around.

“Apparently, there was a kitten in the box that he was shielding from the rain with his own coat.”

“He sounds like a nice kid. Foolish, but nice.”

“Yeah, but at that moment, I was touched.

“It was such a simple gesture, but I wouldn’t have even noticed the box in the first place.”

“Not many people would have.”

“And yet some will. I was fifteen, the world revolved around me.

“Seeing that made me ashamed, and so I fell in love with someone who looked beyond himself.

“The third time, was when I was seventeen and running into a fight.

“At first I didn’t want to get involved, since I didn’t want to get into trouble, but it looked like four on one. That seemed very unfair, so I was going to help the other person.

“Turns out that the other person was quite the fighter and took them all out before I even got there. He just stood there, gathering himself from the fight with cuts on his knuckles and sweat dripping down his face. It was the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen at that point in my life.

“He was always talked about because of his beautiful face. All the boys loved making fun of him and calling him a girl like his eight sisters. But he always ignored them, never letting it affect him.

“I guess the lack of response made them angry, so they resorted to more aggressive attacks.

“And he was beautiful. All confidence and swift moves. No fancy flourishes or taunting of his opponents, just purposeful execution and perfect calm.”

“So you just watched him fight?”

“Well, I spotted them from far away! I was running to help, but he was already done with them when I got there!”

“Ok, I got it. Just teasing.

“So what did you do afterwards?”

“What was there to do? He already took care of everything.

“Then he looked at me and smiled. I didn’t even know what to do with myself at that point.”

“I’m surprised. You seem like the type that would be prepared for anything.”

“          So I’ve been told.”

 

“The fourth time, it was much less dramatic.

“This is the one I’m always ashamed to admit, because it makes me flail like a girl.

“It was the last day of school and he showed up on a motorcycle. It was all sorts of hotness.”

“…you’re right, you do sound like a teenage girl.”

“Shut up!”

“Aww, you’re getting all red. It’s cute.

“Ok, that pout is considerably less cute.

“That’s even less so.”

“Whatever. But it was so sexy and cool. He just got off nonchalantly and leaned against it with his blond hair and piercings without a care in the world. It was the last day of school, so it’s not like the teachers would have done anything about it.”

“Just a regular bad boy, huh?

“You know, you have very varied tastes.”

“You think so?”

“Sure sounds like it.”

“The next one will probably convince you so.

“The next time, which is what, the fifth time? It was when I was in a café getting late night coffee as a study break. He was sitting in my favorite seat looking blankly at his cup of coffee, shoulders hunched. It wasn’t the prettiest picture, dark circles under eyes hidden by disheveled hair.

“He looked so hurt and fragile, I just wanted to gather him in my arms and share the pain. There was a sort of broken beauty that emanated from his body and his eyes. I wanted to shield him from the world, but it was unnecessary.

“He was never one to break. His strength was greater than anything I could imagine. He didn’t need someone to pick up his shattered pieces because he was never broken in the first place. He just needed time to find the polish in himself again.

“I was awed by his magnificence. He was the most beautifully honest being I’ve ever encountered, letting the world see him in raw form.”

“Fallen angel type, huh? I take back my previous comment. Your taste doesn’t really vary that much.

“I think you have a thing for people that need fixing.”

“Eh? People that need fixing?”

“Not that they need fixing. Like people that could do with some company.

“Besides your first puppy love, all of them sound incredibly lonely.”

 

“Yes, perhaps. The next couple will probably prove that point to be true.”

“There’s more?”

“Yes.”

“You fall in love easily.”

“It’s easy to fall in love.”

 

“The next time, I was returning from a business trip abroad. The company was branching out to Japan and I needed to be there to ensure that everything was set up.

“I cut the trip short due to an emergency and rushed to the hospital as soon as I could. The whole way over, our friends kept telling me about the accident. About how he was on his motorcycle when he saw a child in the street. About how he saw a car heading for the child. About how he maneuvered his motorcycle in front of the child to prevent the child from getting injured.

“About how he wasn’t waking up.”

“Th-that’s—”

“And even when he was bruised and bandaged like a mummy, he is the most beautiful human I’d ever had the privilege to know.

“I spent weeks waiting to tell him so, but when it spanned into months, I couldn’t put off my other responsibilities any longer. So I went back to Japan, waiting everyday for a phone call that would bring good news.”

 

“And I got that call. I just didn’t expect it to also bring other news. And I was weak, I couldn’t bring myself to go back and face reality.

“And those same people that showered him with love and encouragement showed disappointment in their eyes because of my decision. Their accusations and pity unknowingly hurting someone else.

“So I thought about all the times I had fallen in love. And I thought of all I ever aspired to be, but ultimately failed at ever accomplishing.

“I refused to continue going down that path. I returned in time to fall in love again.”

“W-what?”

“This time, he was standing tall, determination set into that beautiful figure to find his own future.

“What does it matter if he can’t remember the past? He is still the same person with the same strength that continues to make me want to be better.

“No matter what, I find myself continuously falling in love time after time. Whether he is a mischievous child, kind-hearted kid, confident teen, vulnerable adult or humble hero, I will always love him.

“So this time, I will find my strength and chase what matters most to me.”

“You know, it might never come back.

“I might never remember anything.”

“Doesn’t matter. I would still love you anyway.”

 

“Don’t look like that. You don’t have to feel the same.”

“This might be as good as it’ll ever get.”

“I know.”

 

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Tightening his hold on the arms he placed around himself he whispers, “Fix me.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed~


End file.
